One

When you were a child did you ever think who will you be when you are older? Most people will say I want to be a footballer or a astronaut or doctor. But have you ever considered that one day either you or someone you are close to family or friends could suffer from a mental health crisis.

So growing up I never looked and said I would be the ONE in four.  my dream was to be happy and I never knew what i wanted to do but knew I wanted to do something that helped people, so my natural path was going into retail and working with Children and becoming good at not selling but supporting parents with there children s development. Selling isn’t complicated as long as you know what you are selling and remember you are a customer not always the salesman. Then i moved onto working within the charity sector looking at addiction.

With the career change I also moved from my home town in London to Manchester, For a change of my future but also to continue enjoying my life. I also wanted to be closer to my then boyfriend who lives in Glasgow. Through being forgotten about and becoming more and more isolated through my now Ex boyfriend to looking at my past with the reminder I wasn’t important to people. This is from my Ex, to my father and his family to selected friends where I have become unwanted, isolated and very insecure. This  re awakened my past where i have seen and been involved in some of the most difficult situations from seeing my father having an accident to being forgotten about by him, To my ex putting his best friend and ex before me and allowing him to treat me as if I was nothing and show me no respect. to friends who just didn’t know what to say or how to approach any of the situations. I have had to sit through a dinner to try and celebrate my birthday a few months after it happening and my father passing i sat through a meal where pictures of there childhood with there dads swapping pictures was deemed appropriate.

Now I know the above makes it sound like i hold onto this hurt and heartache and just let it go as it wasn’t done out of malice instead it was just forgotten about how difficult it was for me. Some people will be aware my father had an accident and was left paralyzed from the neck down and was left in a wheelchair.He still could tell me off.

Well 2015 has brought misery and disappointment as I split from my ex 4 days into the new year my birthday being turned into everyone else by me. Finally accepting the emotions I had in my relationship wasn’t right and should have stopped the way it went sooner. Accepting I deserve better and to be someones priority.

Many years ago i had my first love brought that magic of being someone priority feeling special and important.. someone was going to help take care of me but also I could take care of them. I don’t think I will ever get over losing that love as he was an amazing first love and made life easier when it was extremely difficult and dark and he was there. That wasn’t the same to my next relationship. but it wasn’t to be a permanent love.

But this is day ONE and there is going to be many many more days to this recovery and I know today is the good day and no two days will be the same and they could feel like the world is about to explode at any point when I start this long path.

From doing this blog it will help someone who could be on this same path but is also afraid to take those first steps in admitting they could do with saying the words ” I need help”  For me it has taken years and months to admit I need help and if you aren’t the ONE in FOUR but you are the FOUR listen be there for your friend if they have come to you that means a lot. They have come to you as they trust you more than anyone else. They have to feel safe and trust in you. so listen and if your unsure google self-help and get the ONE to talk to their GP even for a general chat they can be referred onto counselling. Doctors don’t always put people onto medication unless they really need to and depending on the individual case.

If you need help how to help your friend or loved one, try MIND or Samaritans also there is time to change focusing on ending discrimination and stigma associated to mental health.I have made the pledge to blog and challenge the stigma attached to mental health. There is also the Project semicolon a charity  dedicated to presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction and self-injury. Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love and inspire.

Today I am not ready to share why I had to seek help but one day I will. But to a small group of people I owe you more than you will ever know in some cases and to my dear friends, John, Rob, Kev, Scott & Phil THANK YOU. my lost love as well I have to say Thank You as without you I wouldn’t know how happiness should feel.

Today and tomorrow I will always be the ONE in FOUR and I am a Surv;vor! 

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One comment

  1. Sue · September 3, 2015

    Thank you for letting me in to your mind. As always I am only at the end of a phone and never away from you. You are in my heart and thoughts, and I will always love you. You are my flesh, blood and my being. I am here when you are ready xx

    Liked by 1 person

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