Giants

“Sometimes loving someone is the hardest part, as they never leave your heart but they do your life”

Giants, the tallest of them all but does that mean the people who are 6 foot 6 or more or how about those people who stand tall and become the “Giants” within their existence. In the “Ghosts” blog I mentioned about how people could be in a room and the 5 seconds of change can happen, I know I have been there, where the whole room is talking and within 2 seconds I have the voice doubting what I am doing.

Life can throw many spanners into things and you never know how they will turn out until the biggest battle you could face.  Sometimes those battles can take a lot to face and admitting that sometimes the people involved in the battle will either safety net or they can be the cause of the battle.  It takes a lot to admit when you love someone and it feels normal and natural and if you actually mean it. It doesn’t have to be a partner but it could be how much you love a friend.  Then suddenly they are no longer there, due to a falling out. Sometimes it can be complicated and the emotions involved in the fall out of the cause can ripple through other people’s lives.

If we look at current events the war on terror has re awoken from the terrible act carried out allegedly by ISIS. The terror trying to make society smaller than it is and instead of the GIANT we all are. The world has gone into shock and we stand united a rare moment within society that those who try to make us small and suppress the human emotion. We rarely come together but when we do, we do it properly.  #westandunited #turnonthelights

Sometimes people will come into our lives and we will wonder how on earth did we cope and survive without them. On occasion they will be there for life, but then some will only be a part of your life for a brief moment. Sometimes they will have shaped your life for the better and sometimes for the worst.

This week has been a hard week with anniversaries. sometimes people can influence the mood of what your day will be. and how it will be for the day. Those people can make you feel great or as if you are  smaller than you really are. For me I have face this week, where a big anniversary came and some influencing factors changed my mood from being how I was. To suddenly letting in the voices and I have blocked out for nearly 3 months. They slowly started to flood back and take a piece of me with them thoughts and voices. For me I have achieved 2 big goals, that I am really happy with.

1. Going out the office without putting my iPod on but also keeping it off when I was coming back in.

2. Sitting at my desk during the 2 minute silence. This is a huge thing for me as I remember where I was when the 2 minutes back in 2006.

From this I was reeling, but when I went on lunch I asked everyone and especially the person. I went back to putting my iPod on and ignoring the world. Which I really wanted to avoid as I want to be moving forward. When I went to get my lunch I usually would be willing to take my earphones out if someone speaks to me but I refused when I had a chugger asking me questions when all I wanted to do was get away from the office. I had to remember the steps I have learnt from therapy, and considered the mindfulness. You see with me I was brought up with manners, even if I dislike someone I won’t go against my morals or my self-respect. Sometimes I regret the odd slip but I try to ensure I don’t exclude people. The exclusion is something that hurts more than anything else. As what does anyone gain from excluding others unless it is for a proper reason?

I was talking with Rob on Saturday as Ghost was a hard blog to write, probably one of the hardest I have written. While we were talking it came to me, we live our lives to be who we want to be, and sometimes people won’t understand who that is, but really we don’t know who we really want to be we are still learning every day and every moment is a new learning experience. We only live once and as long as we are happy, honest and good people why should anyone judge our decision except for us.

I am tired of feeling small as if everything this year is my fault, or I am taking accountability for events that were beyond my control. I will always admit when I am wrong and I have done this year, and sometimes I am the easy target, as I considerate and sensitive to other people and I will be there for people. Something I inherited from my family and especially my dad. Slight difference I can and will say No!

Now I am at the point where I say goodbye to those that treat me badly, have cast the stones of judgement. As I am never going to be right for you, but really you are never going to be right for me. If you have entered my heart and those who know me will know if they have, it breaks when I have to consider never seeing them again as the person I once counted on, but my heart and my soul will heal as I am not small I am a GIANT and I will stand tall and take control of my life. This part of the path just needs the break you never know where the path will lead to in the future. For now I close the door on this part of my life. Sad that I have lost piece of my heart, but one day it may be repaired.

To those that have lost and been felt small because of someone else, remember you are you and nothing anyone else says they don’t know what you stand for! As today and tomorrow and forever we will be amazing! And no one can take that way!

WE ARE ONE! We are GIANTS and we will Stand Tall!