Photograph

PhotographblogHave you ever opened an album, and looked at those moments captured in time? Do you look at those memories, and remember the way you were feelings or what was going on at the time.

received_10207111886492708Some people just don’t have the confidence to have their picture taken. A variety of reasons can be as simple as low confidence or lack of self-esteem, others could just not like having their pictures being taken. Some people will have the confidence to go out and have their pictures taken. They are all involved in the movement that has got bigger and bigger over the years, the “Selfie”. This movement has taken over the world with social media and mobile technology becoming a big factor in the way capturing a moment. This hasn’t only changed the way photos are taken but vlogger and video art is becoming more common within society YouTube has taken over the video streams, it’s how some of today’s “celebrities” became celebrities.

IMG_20150907_130631The photos can bring back memories of the past and how you were feeling back then.  I look back at my most recent photo at the biggest event of the year I would attend Manchester Pride the image I portrayed to those I was with are people I am close too, they knew there was something wrong, as I was a lot more on edge than normal, I wasn’t as fun loving as I would be at any other pride. Then I wasn’t facing a battle against the silent killer like I was at pride this year. Reeling from everything that has happened from being the forgotten about, left to never know why I wasn’t good enough for people to spend time with. Becoming more aware of how much distance I was getting.

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Some other pictures can bring around moments of joy when you were smiling and laughing and just wished it would never end. A moment has the ability to make you just smile and feel the electric of that photograph that brings back the moment of joy and excitement.

 

IMG_20150620_203613With those photographs they capture the moment, and those words that you dread to say as you admit what is on your mind. It could be the 3 simple words or the 3 most complicated words you will ever want to say, but then its captured on a camera. The digital age gives people an opportunity to look back into the eyes of them. You can see what is within if they are happy, sad, scared etc. that picture no longer having to be kept on digital or film, but within your own camera’s they are capture the moments.

pride2015, has brought hardship, heartache and the moments I have captured make me smile in places and cry in others. My first kiss, my first home, my birthday, random nights out with friends, spending time with my family. All bring smiles to my face then suddenly the sad moments appear sometimes they appear out of nowhere and then they appear just when I think about the past, sometimes this can be when others mention what they have achieved and then I compare. We all do this comparison and try to compare what we have and yet we have this ability to be our own worst enemy. We are never satisfied with what we actually have, and we always want to have bigger and greater things and try to have memories that you haven’t had and they just don’t live up to the pictures you have seen.

IMG-20150616-WA0005My photos aren’t about me, they are about different events. I have always hated having my picture being taken, I will do the odd selfie when I feel confident about myself but when I feel low or as my depression rears its head it stops the growth in my recovery and brings the memories back, those memories I try to block out from someone the emotional connection, those memories come back. But they can come back and I wouldn’t change the memories I have created as each one means something. Manchester has brought something I never had in London, it has found me. I can’t change the past nor will I get anything from regrets. I will have a few regrets that I have let my emotions get the better of me. Then I might not be here recovering instead I could still be going on the path to destruction.

My photos my memories they can’t change but they can definitely make for a different future. With the changes to my recovery and fighting the illness. Some parts of it are with support of friends and family. Then there is part of me who fights alone, rely upon myself and thankful I have people who back me as well.

Photographblog

My photograph are slowly becoming more prominent within my life.

I am ONE & I am ME.

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2 comments

  1. Andrew S · December 1, 2015

    This has made me think about why I find it so difficult to have photographs on display at home. I think I would like to have dome around to make the place more homely, but I rarely find any I’m happy with.

    Childhood photos are images of a family that no longer exist; parents who rejected me because of my sexuality, a life that seems to belong to someone else now. My ex destroyed all our photos before he left me, and I have been left in a place where there have been few memories that I want to immortalise behind a sheet of glass.

    Seeing photos of those people who have hurt me posted on fb, showing them carrying on a seemingly carefree life, whilst I disappear down a spiral of darkness, grief and despair just makes me feel all the more let down by those who once claimed to care, hence why I have left it.

    Having realised all of this, I am making a decision to make a more conscious effort to take new photos of those friends who are really friends, of creating memories of good times with those who matter to me now, so that I have got photos to display at home that evoke happy thoughts instead of sorrow and pain.

    Like

  2. Sue · December 2, 2015

    We come from a family where photos were not on display. But it also comes from the lack of confidence, not liking how we smile, what we look like. But really we should embrace these memories on ‘film’ as they can evoke happy and forgotten memories. True sometimes happy memories do make us sad, remembering times past that we shared with people we loved and are here no more. But this as always is part of life and we all have a worthwhile life and should embrace thee memories, good or bad. We grow from these experiences. You are becoming stronger each day, well done. Who knows, we may even have a Christmas photo this year!!!!

    Like

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