“Never Love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary- Oscar Wilde”
Daily people will accept being second thoughts, we are all guilty of this and no one can say they don’t do it as really they would be lying not just to others, but more themselves. Those that are facing difficulty within their lives, with always feeling like an after through because plans and being forgotten by people can be very difficult not to take personally. Even though it’s not and there is usually a very good reason for the plans to alter or change beyond anyone control.
Sadly, there is those that set out to change other people’s plans not because it is due to the others decisions. The decisions that could affect people because of their personal vendettas against someone who they just dislike and want to destroy their ability to be who they once were.
Most people know from my first blog I has discussed why I made the choice to write, and there have been times through the past 6 months I have isolated myself and had to re validate who I am. Taking big steps to overcome some big obstacles. The biggest has to be why I contemplated the darkness.
Suicide is stupid? You wanna know what is stupid? Hurting someone so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only answer”
When I was at my lowest on the 30th August, I listened to people I shouldn’t have listened to, I allowed the manipulation to take over my mind and let the words and how uncomfortable I was feeling, the person I was being destroyed. Before this I was unhappy and damaged from the break up from my ex, and people within my life taking swipes and listening to the voices that should have been controlled, which I couldn’t take the steps to silence the voices within my head.
Over the six months, it has been difficult and damaging at times, but I have turned many corners, facing the demons daily. To the manipulator who pretends they like me but will argue I should be on my own and not with mutual friends, because they don’t take sides. I work in the same building, and when I do see him he doesn’t exist to me, as I block him out. As I have challenged my demons and his alleged demons are still undefeated. The odd part is, the more people I know the more that know of him, have had unpleasant experiences where he is involved.
6 months ago I wouldn’t have seen myself as I am now. Before I would of runaway from these challenges, no matter how difficult it was. I would of hid away and buried my head in the sand. That was then, now I go about it differently I talk to those who would normally pick a side and I have challenged factors involved and those aren’t going to change or say I have conquered them. As I haven’t, I have many more challenges and difficult decisions to make in the future.
Other reasons I have been forgotten would be my ex who literally forgot I existed and what a boyfriend or partner is meant to be. Since then break up and the break I have had a date I have spent time with people and put myself first and met some amazing people, who make me smile daily. Which makes me realise how much my past relationship was damaged and was never going to work. Same as my relationship with my father he loves me which I never question, but he was never there as he would put others first, just not the family he loved. He wanted to be accepted and even though the family had accepted him, and he wanted to be popular.
This weekend I have done something I haven’t done in a long time, I was out Friday night and left early while my friends went into town and I was out last night for a friend’s birthday. I haven’t been out in Manchester properly since new year’s and before that would have been august the Friday of pride. Last night I was out with good friends and had a lot of fun, while I am getting used to going out I am making a choice and not drinking. Just so I can’t allow the alcohol influence my decisions. I was a bit on edge and worried about going out and in case I bump into people that could bring back unwelcome memories. With support of my friends I had a good time. I even was talking to people who are close to the manipulator. Even those that represented my breakdown, I am challenging the past and making the most of the now and my future.
Every decision has a reaction, while I grow stronger others will crumble and those that wish to manipulate and hurt me can try and take their opportunity but I will get better and stronger and be the better person as I don’t wish to see others suffering by my hands. The cards will be shuffled and re dealt and that is when karma and the future will be decided.
You can only be forgotten if you really want to be, and you block out the world to be isolated beyond reality. The person who will hurt isn’t just those that care about you. You are hurting yourself and the voices will become louder and more destructive. Don’t isolate yourself get help and listen to those that want the best for you. Those that put you down its times to say goodbye too.
Be you and those that matter will stay with you, those that don’t.
I am…never forgotten, and never alone.