Home is where the heart is.
Some people will move and move and move until they find what they are looking for. Some will just stay where they think is best what they want as their home. But is home really where you begin your journey into this world?
Home can sometimes be somewhere you don’t expect, or it could be somewhere you already knew. When you deal with illness Home is sometimes the place you least want to be, especially when you are on your own. Home is the last place you want to be when everything seems to be falling apart. When you lose your way and your path home isn’t always healthy to be.
For me, I grew up in leafy town in London, with my family, exploring West London. Until I started work I would travel with my mum and dad abroad and home was always with my mum and dad and my Nan. When I lost my Nan I home when not at school. Over the years I started to travel more with work. I visited different parts of the country until my mum moved out of London to her new home and I moved in with my cousin. I started to travel at my aunts more. Until I lost my father I didn’t travel as much as I would have liked. I slowly started to travel more with going on holiday, going to Edinburgh, Norfolk, Brighton, Glasgow, eventually I ended up here in Manchester. Slowly falling in love with the beauty this city has. I eventually decided it is a place I could live.
Well I moved and took one of the biggest adventures, I started again! I left everything I have ever known left retail being a store manager left my family. I left HOME.
Over the course of the past 14 months, I have seen more than my fair share of ups and downs, where I have had to find somewhere that I can call Home. Manchester/ London, they are both amazing places. Being with my mum, my aunt or my cousins, they will always be a place I can feel safe and they will be one of my homes. Since the 30th August, my home, is somewhere I am meant to feel safe and secure and happy. When I started this recovery and road to self-discovery, I found my home in Manchester I have finally accepted is safe and this is my home.
When I took the break away to start this recovery and remove the isolation I was putting myself in, with people not being around but choice but also for the unknowing of what to say or do. I found new places of safety, with people I have grown close to and got to know. Each time I visit, I am treated as if I am part of the furniture. So for me, a home isn’t just mine, it is all the places I have been welcomed into.
Every times I visit Phil & Scott or Rob & John I have felt safe and protected. In a way I enter into the bubble that I started to feel alive, and part of their home. I have never been so thankful to have not just the 4 amazing people I have in my life, alongside my family. But also my other friends who are part of my life. When I count all the actual homes I have I have more than I have ever thought I would have had. Most people will have 1-4 homes, and I have roughly 8 homes. Those that know me, or are getting to know me will know I have a lot of care for people and those that have stood with me and supported me during this long and slow process, nothing I can say will truly show you how much I appreciate everything you have done for me. Thank you, you have helped me stand up and not hide away from reality.
Life isn’t about where you begin this journey nor is it about where it ends, it’s where you find the places you feel safe. Even when I am on my own there is no fear or judgement within these four walls instead there is comfort. Feeling the insecurities that these walls are becoming a prison when instead of the walls closing in on me suffocating the breath out of me. Now they are pushing further and further apart opening up the luxury that is freedom. With everything that is going on and the voices that appear and haunt, when I close the front door behind me it’s the same with the voices where it is an opportunity to close the door on them. This is a sanctuary and when I am with people they are part of my sanctuary. They make me feel safe and comfortable and not as if I am invading their lives and include me in what is going on.
My multiple homes bring a smile to my face thinking about them and those who are a part of them.
I can put my hand on my heart and say I am finally safe and I am HOME & I am ONE!